wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Randomize
