FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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