You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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