you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
