Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
