Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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