remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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