first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
