Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Randomize
