Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
