I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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