Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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