I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Randomize
