brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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