is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
