please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
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She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
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There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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