I will die if light touches me.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Randomize
