My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
