Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
