Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
