Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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