whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
