im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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