Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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