I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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