I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
