she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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