Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
