the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
