Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
My Higher Power is John Stamos
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
