Someone shit on the floor
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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