Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
