I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
