How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
