Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
