so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
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Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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