I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander