Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
