Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
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We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
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Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I have fence marks all over my body
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.