Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
