You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
