I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
