I accidentally burped into my bong.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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