Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
