You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
