I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
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You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
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Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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