last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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