I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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