you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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