Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
i've created a new STD.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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