How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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