Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
