I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize