Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
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I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
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Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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