I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
