I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
