hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
sarcasm needs its own font
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
