You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
