He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
