I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
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