btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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