I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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