listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
