so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
