If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
