i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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