I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
