having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
