Soap is not a condiment
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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