I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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