That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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