Sry I called you an 8
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
