who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
