I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
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you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
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He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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