dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
