I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Pants are for mortals
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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