Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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